so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
