The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
