I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
And then he peed in my hair
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