he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
