i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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