she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
