bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
