That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's just like the Real World with babies
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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