I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
