He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
