Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
