i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
