Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
