apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
