turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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