Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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