this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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