is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
