So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
OPIZZABONMYDICK
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
