I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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