Me. At least after what I've been through.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
