It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
