Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
