oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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