if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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