official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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