my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
