I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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