everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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