Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
