I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
a search helicopter?!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
