My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
