I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
