Ambien. No doubt about it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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