He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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