Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
