we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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