she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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