just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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