We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
