And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize