In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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