Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
