dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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