i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
