She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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