Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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