I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
