No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Actions speak louder than pants.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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