um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
