3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
