He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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