i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
