Just cropdusted the office
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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