I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
