There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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