i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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