Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
