i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
