Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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