i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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