So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
