My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
