Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
her vagine was all disorganized.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
