No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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